rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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