is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
