Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
