And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So here I am, sexting at work.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
