I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
