My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
