Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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