Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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