i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
