she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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