in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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