Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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