How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize