So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize