if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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