Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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