I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
