i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize