He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
