went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
