So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
