if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
