So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
