So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
