Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
