The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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