I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
