I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
