you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
