So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
