The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
