Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
