so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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