Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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