are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
