You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
