he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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