They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
