Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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