i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
