i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
