No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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