i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
