my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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