my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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