I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
