between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
