OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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