I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
