I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
