...so i touched it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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