I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize