I wish I could teleport
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My ass is underappreciated
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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