That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
