why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Someone came in the potted fern
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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