My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
