the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
