Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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