PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
