oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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