I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
