i barfeds in our rink
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
