Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
