She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
