when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
