My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
