My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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