summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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