how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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