Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Come back. Shots need mouths.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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