Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
