omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
