I can text with my tongue
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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