I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
